Autism & Lying

I'm a useless liar.

I'd love to say lying doesn't sit easily with my saintly integrity, but that's not it.  

I'm just bad at it.

Guilt gets the better of me (thank you, catholic childhood).  As does having a memory that'd embarrass a particularly dull amoeba (it'd help if I could remember what I lie about).  But mostly it's my acting abilities that let me down.  I blush, stammer, fidget, talk too much and make better eye contact with the floor than the person I'm trying to deceive.  In short, fibbing makes me lose my shit.

In less obvious ways, though, we lie all the time.  I'm thinking hair-dye, make-up, push-up bras, Instagram posts, fake smiles, high heels, coked-up 'craic', magic knickers, shaved legs, Botox, uniforms (we believe uniformed workers have their shit together), flashy cars.... it's a long list.  Feel free to add.

Not to mention the lies we articulate to oil the wheels of social conformity.

"yes i'm fine"

"how lovely to see you"

"no, your arse definitely doesn't look like two bags of  terrified weasels struggling to escape your awful jeans" 

So it's great having Finian in my life because we get to be awful liars together...... because autistic people can't lie, right?

Terribly, TERRIBLY wrong.

Finian has discovered the joys of lying his head off, and I was worried.  Does this mean he's no longer autistic and is going to be replaced by a nihilistic, monosyllabic 17-year-old who lives on pot noodle and cheap cider?  Having my sweet, funny boy transform into a grunting, smelly world-hater does not appeal.

I'm relieved to discover, that telling porkies is a developmental milestone.   It's a measure of our ability to recognize that other people think differently than we do.  So lying (in this context) should be celebrated with cake and wine (any excuse, tbf) and not judged as a moral failing (sidebar; autistic people lying makes the Theory of Mind questionable, doesn't it?).

But mostly it's hilarious.

Me;  Finian, did you eat my chocolate?

Finian; (looking me dead-ass in the eye) No

Me; What's that wrapper in your hand?

Finian; (popping the wrapper in his mouth) No chocolate.

I admire him for eating the evidence.  

This showcases his problem-solving abilities as well as indications of empathetic understanding.  You gotta celebrate the wins.

Finian has helped me view the world from a more creative, humorous, authentic perspective.  Loving that my kid lies to my face is a surprising thing to be delighted about.