Autism & Lying

I'm a useless liar.

I'd love to say lying doesn't sit easily with my saintly integrity, but that's not it.  

I'm just bad at it.

Guilt gets the better of me (thank you, catholic childhood).  As does having a memory that'd embarrass a particularly dull amoeba (it'd help if I could remember what I lie about).  But mostly it's my acting abilities that let me down.  I blush, stammer, fidget, talk too much and make better eye contact with the floor than the person I'm trying to deceive.  In short, fibbing makes me lose my shit.

In less obvious ways, though, we lie all the time.  I'm thinking hair-dye, make-up, push-up bras, Instagram posts, fake smiles, high heels, coked-up 'craic', magic knickers, shaved legs, Botox, uniforms (we believe uniformed workers have their shit together), flashy cars.... it's a long list.  Feel free to add.

Not to mention the lies we articulate to oil the wheels of social conformity.

"yes i'm fine"

"how lovely to see you"

"no, your arse definitely doesn't look like two bags of  terrified weasels struggling to escape your awful jeans" 

So it's great having Finian in my life because we get to be awful liars together...... because autistic people can't lie, right?

Terribly, TERRIBLY wrong.

Finian has discovered the joys of lying his head off, and I was worried.  Does this mean he's no longer autistic and is going to be replaced by a nihilistic, monosyllabic 17-year-old who lives on pot noodle and cheap cider?  Having my sweet, funny boy transform into a grunting, smelly world-hater does not appeal.

I'm relieved to discover, that telling porkies is a developmental milestone.   It's a measure of our ability to recognize that other people think differently than we do.  So lying (in this context) should be celebrated with cake and wine (any excuse, tbf) and not judged as a moral failing (sidebar; autistic people lying makes the Theory of Mind questionable, doesn't it?).

But mostly it's hilarious.

Me;  Finian, did you eat my chocolate?

Finian; (looking me dead-ass in the eye) No

Me; What's that wrapper in your hand?

Finian; (popping the wrapper in his mouth) No chocolate.

I admire him for eating the evidence.  

This showcases his problem-solving abilities as well as indications of empathetic understanding.  You gotta celebrate the wins.

Finian has helped me view the world from a more creative, humorous, authentic perspective.  Loving that my kid lies to my face is a surprising thing to be delighted about.

Autism & IQ

Finian is a smart kid.

He can google his favourite cartoons in Russian.  He taught himself to read at the age of 2.  When it comes to obtaining the things that interest him (mostly Super Ted dvds and salt & vinegar crisps), he can negotiate like a Wall Street hack.  He has a wicked sense of humour.  He has a memory that would intimidate the wisest of elephants.

But.

He also has trouble regulating his emotions.  He needs help brushing his teeth.  He considers road safety more a list of casual suggestions than actual rules.  Having an erection in public would be of no concern to him.  He would get into a stranger's car without a qualm.  He can calculate money, but would happily hand all his cash to a dishonest shop-keeper.

Autism differs from a global developmental delay in that it presents as a wild saw-tooth pattern of intriguing talents, counterbalanced by limiting deficits.  It's wonderful that some autistics enrich the world with unique abilities, but the reality is that the same person may not have the organisational skills to dress themselves.  Autism is a frustrating, delightful condition that makes a person frighteningly vulnerable.

So how (and why) is it necessary to measure such inconsistent intelligence in Autistic people?

First of all, it's not that simple to define what intelligence actually is.  We all know book-smart people with the life skills of a turnip..... equally we know people with little formal schooling who can problem solve in a flash.  There seems to be little agreement among psychologists about what best describes intelligence.  It is sometimes described as the ability to learn from experience.  Use of logic, reasoning, memory, problem solving, language and planning are considered important elements.  Then some propose that there are many types of intelligence, such as creative, spatial and verbal (among more).

IQ tests evolved assuming age-appropriate language ability.  Clearly this puts autistic kids at a disadvantage as their delayed verbal skills may give the appearance of a low IQ.  The TONI (Test Of Non-verbal Intelligence) tool has been adapted for people on the ASD spectrum, but a study in 2008 found that any IQ test  of language impaired children was unreliable.

It seems tricky enough to figure out how to measure neurotypical intelligence from that hot mess, without adding in the inconsistent extremes of autism.

And yet many services require an IQ test as part of diagnosis and to access services.  Finian needs to have a normal IQ to attend Child & Adolescent Mental Health services (we requested to see them due to his self-harming and poor sleep).  The only reason he has been added to their waiting list is that he was in a bad mood the day of his cognitive assessment, so it was never completed.   So, officially, he doesn't have an intellectual disability.  Even though he clearly does have an intellectual disability.  Go figure.

I'm also uncomfortable with the the hierarchy of severe/moderate/mild Autism..... as if one level of Autism is  somehow 'better' than another.  ASD Lite is not easier to live with than full-fat, sugar-laden Autism.  There's an undertone of a person with 'mild' autism being less troublesome, and therefore  somehow worth more, than the kid who spins saucepan lids all day and eats his own shoes.  I don't think the terms mild/moderate/severe are used anymore in a diagnostic sense, but the legacy of it still lingers.

I don't see much to be gained from measuring the IQ of autistic kids.  The tests are unreliable, and guess what..... your kid still has Autism no matter what number materializes.  Perhaps it could help to chose appropriate schools and adult services, but in my experience any service worth it's salt figures out where your kid is at pretty quickly.  With or without a number.