Sadness is an emotion in need of good PR representation.
It's usually labelled as a 'negative' emotion and we're taught to avoid it at all costs. But sadness is an important feature of our emotional landscape. When we're taught that sadness is unattractive, weak or embarrassing, we attach shame to it and learn to suppress it. Emotions that are not allowed to flow and process become stuck. They stagnate into defensive blocks and may eventually find expression in physical or mental illness.
Paradoxically, it's impossible to experience authentic love and joy without acknowledging the inevitability of loss. We can't know the heights of joy and love without feeling them against the counterfoil of loss and sadness.
We apologise for shedding tears. Repeated messages like dry your eyes, put a brave face on, get over yourself etc. cripple our authenticity and we learn to present an acceptably agreeable face to the world. We run away to cry in the privacy of locked rooms. Not alone do we avoid expressing sadness, but we are terrified of feeling it.
Except for Finian.
He does sad like a pro.
I envy Finian's ability to express his emotions without censor. If I buy the wrong chocolate spread at Lidl, or Netflix cancels Bob the Builder, or there's a hole in his favourite pyjamas, he howls with abandon. He has no concerns about ugly-crying, appearing out of control, or embarrassing those around him. After a spell of backbone-deep sobbing, he's processed it and is good to go.
It's taken me six months of intense psychotherapy to achieve this and I'm supposed to be neurotypical. As ever, Finian is my favourite teacher.
One thing we can be sure of is that life will give us plenty to cry about, so it's a skill worth mastering. Processing sadness isn't fun. To be honest I'd rather chew a pig farmer's boot than sit with my sadness and learn from it. But it's worth giving grief room to move to appreciate the good stuff.
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