Autism & Smiling

I'm not very photogenic.

If you see a photo of me looking pretty, you can be sure I just deleted a dozen shots where I look like I'm chewing a cheese grater.  I feel sorry for the internet.  Somewhere in the ether, there's a cyberdump littered with terrifying pics of my face trying to eat itself.  It's the place where nightmares go to die.

This isn't false modesty.  

I just can't fake smile.

Finian, having authenticity nailed, doesn't even try.  He has no concept of pretending to feel something he doesn't.  As a result, when he smiles, he lights up from his core.  

Why have we been conditioned to 'smile for the camera' from infancy?  

Who are we smiling for?  

At what cost? 

In 2019, the environmental activist Greta Thunberg was criticised for not smiling during an impassioned speech about global warming.  In more recent months, Grace Tame, a campaigner on behalf of sexual assault survivors, was crucified by the media for not smiling during a meeting with the Australian PM.  Both are young, female and autistic.  They challenged injustices maintained by fat, middle-aged men, and were attacked for not smiling like good little girls.

Autistic people have been gifted with the ability to only smile when they mean it.  Much as we try to inflict our internalised script of 'smile for the camera' on them, they just fucking won't.  Autism, as ever, cuts through the crap with surgical precision.  We'd be wise to watch and learn.

They, and we, do not owe anyone a smile.

I used to hate that the camera doesn't love me.  Now I'm starting to appreciate my inability to please others with a cute smile.

My best, most authentic, photos are taken when I'm feeling awkward and slightly bewildered, reflecting my true self.  The camera can do what it likes with that.