Autism & Growth

It's fair to say that growth is spiral, not linear.  The old two-steps-forward-one-step-back dance is a foxtrot most of us are familiar with.

I can say with certainty that my own growth is not as smooth as I'd like.  This morning I opened my laptop in Costa to do some very self-actualised studying.  I was feeling terribly grown-up.  Then I balanced the karmic scales by spilling my entire mug of tea over the table before I even sat down.

I didn't even blush.  This is who I am.

My inner toddler enjoys a good tussle with my outer adult.

Everything in the universe strives towards equilibrium, my dignity included.

Prior to this I met a dear friend for coffee (which obediently remained in its mug).  Our sons spend a lot of time together in their adult day service, and we noticed that they're positively influencing each other's progress.   The lads are kinda curious about what the other is engaged in and sometimes they join in together.  It's a joy to see them vibe off each other and enjoy each other's company.  This is a developmental stage lots of autistic people never hit.  It fills me with optimism about how they may evolve over the coming years.

I told my friend about a developmental leap I only noticed in Finian this week. 

Twice this week he purposely took his phone to me with the intention of us watching one of his favourite cartoons together.  Joint play/enjoyment is a milestone neurotypical kids tend to reach at about age 2. This is built on the joint attention stage (usually about 9 months) where babies point to something they like and want the caregiver to look at it too.  To my knowledge, Finian hadn't reached that yet.

Now at the age of 18, he's hanging out with his friend and sharing moments of joy with me.

Our kids will always progress, in their own time and in their own way.  It is a goal of mine to move towards being my authentic self in the same manner, without forcing it or denying it.  

Years ago, a friend told me that our kids have a developmental delay, not a full-stop.  We just had to put aside our expectations and accept them for who, and where, they are.  She was bang on the money.  This is the idea of takiwatanga, which I wrote about a while ago.

There is always joy and hope with our special needs kids, made all the sweeter by the pure authenticity that comes with it.