Autism & Crime

I recently discovered that Finian is moonlighting as a thief.  

Not content with careering through this world as a fickle tornado and champion Perplexer of Parents, he has decided to level up to a life of crime.

This would upset most parents.

I see it differently, though.

I think some light tea-leafing makes a colourful addition to the skills section of his CV.  A bit of opportunistic robbery vibes quite nicely with his ability to crack PIN numbers and passwords.

My son is a master criminal.

I missed all the clues.

He had taken to loitering around the washing machine.  I later realised this was to check for loose change in the drum.

Odd coins I left on window ledges and shelves mysteriously disappeared.

His wallet, which normally only contains his revolut card, was growing unexpectedly bulky.

It was time to ask some searching questions.

"Finian, can I see your wallet please?"

The Accused removes his wallet from his pocket.  He turns his back to me and opens it. He carefully removes items which sound suspiciously coiny.  His shoulders tense momentarily, as if testing the weight of his conscience.  Long seconds tick by.  His shoulders soften. He appears to have resolved his Long Dark Midnight of the Soul.  He returns the strangely jingly material to his wallet.

He turns around to face me.

"No" he says.

Clearly, the Defendant is unburdened by a heavy conscience.

"Do you have money in your wallet, Finian?"

"Yes".  His admission of guilt is coupled with a massive shit-eating grin.  I doubt he is troubled by remorse.

"What do you want it for?"

"I will put six coins in the Bob kiddie ride"

"You only need to put one coin in"

"I will put six coins in"

"Those coins don't belong to you.  Give them back to me"

"No"

"Six coins might break the kiddie ride"

"I will put six coins in the Bob kiddie ride"

I briefly consider forcibly confiscating the wallet, but the requirement to fish about in the Defendant's jeans pocket is not singing to my soul.  There is a very real risk I will retrieve money and a surprise fungal infection.

As Judge, Jury & Executioner I surmise that in the Great Scheme of Things, this is a battle not worth fighting.

Plus I want to watch Modern Family and I can't be arsed with a row.

Dismissed.  Tired parent rests her case.

So my bandit son remains at large, and I've learned to be more careful with my spare change. 

My career as a law enforcer may be less than stellar, but I have learned that Bob kiddie rides can handle six coins with ease.