Autism & Definitions

Earlier this week someone asked me to explain autism to them.

This question never fails to stump me.  You'd think after nearly 18 years, I'd have a clear definition of it.... but I'm not even close.

Autism can be explained clinically in terms of the DSM-5 criteria.  This is necessary for clinicians to diagnose our kids and signpost them towards appropriate services.  But, from a parent's point of view, it does little to describe the lived experience of having an autistic kid.

Autism is deliciously spectrummy; everyone has their own unique flavour.  So this is how I choose to outline it in our home;

It's being able to speak fluent Bob the Builder.

It's knowing the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.

It's hoping that the brown stain on the wall is Nutella.

It's loving the joy found in sporting a My Little Pony backpack.

It's a crash course in freeing yourself from any delusions of grace or dignity (both massively over-rated traits).

It's happily holding hands with your young adult kid in public.  And not just because he might play truth or dare with the traffic.

It's knowing your 6ft 3 son will attempt to sit on your knee for a cuddle.

It's knowing you will totally make that cuddle happen.

It's counting each nail you clip in Albanian.

It's having over 3000 episodes of Enchantimals recorded on the TV (true story).

It's accusing your kid of eating your purse when money goes missing.

It's developing a linguistic shorthand with your family;  yesterday my husband randomly said "we can't do that til we do the other thing" and I knew exactly what he meant.

Ditto with autism-parents you are friends with.  When you say you're having a hard day, you know they get it.  No further words necessary.

It's feeling disorientated if you get a full night's sleep and feel normal.  It's just weird.

It's having the most expensively accessorized septic tank in the country because your kid has eaten most of your jewellery.

It's learning from your kid to ignore convention and to carve out your own path.

None of this makes the diagnostic criteria, but it describes Finian's wavelength on the autism rainbow.