Autism & Addiction

Last weekend my husband deleted over 2,300 episodes of Peppa Pig from Sky.  Two days later, Finian locked the sitting room door and un-deleted every fucking one of them.  His fine motor skills aren't great, so he didn't manage to give us the finger.  But I know he wanted to.

We laughed and said "gawd that kid is so addicted".  As I was eating chocolate and opening a bottle of wine.  Irony is a thundering fury-bitch, but she's usually worth listening to.  Hate that.

We tend to use the term 'addicted' loosely..... and I really ought to know better.  As I've talked about before, addiction tore my childhood apart.  It's taken a lot of therapy to help loosen it's grip on me. 

Of course Finian's Peppa Pig love-in is more aligned with the perseveration we see with autism, than with addiction.  So Finian gets a pass.

I can't speak with the same confidence about our weekend rioja and dairy milk, however.

What IS addiction though?  When does a pleasant pass-time become dysfunctional?

When we continue to repeat a behaviour for the rewarding hit, despite it being damaging (physically, socially or mentally), then we have a problem.  The dopamine surge is so overwhelmingly compelling that we are unaware of (or unconsciously deny) the harm we are doing to our bodies, minds, pockets, relationships and careers. We crave it in it's absence.  We surround ourselves with people who collude with our behaviour, and become increasingly disconnected from our own soul. We can be addicts and not even know it.

We can get addicted to anything.

Alcohol.  Prescription drugs.  Sex.  Porn.  Religion.  Instagram Likes.  Shopping.  Street drugs.  Gambling.  Sugar.  Dieting.  Martyrdom.  Peppa fucking Pig.  Cleaning.  Toxic relationships.  Exercise.  Candy Crush (true story).  Self-harming.  Shoes.  Keanu Reeves.

What we're addicted to doesn't really matter.  What's important is what it's shielding us from.

Addiction is seductive because it protects us from pain.

Addiction is soul-destroying because it protects us from pain.

Short-term respite at the expense of long-term wholeness.  

As the cheery Buddhists point out, life is suffering.  Sitting with, and owning, our awfulness is how we re-connect with ourselves.  Finding peace at the other side of  the (admittedly shitty) process is how we rediscover, and love, our true selves.

It's simple, but not easy.

Special needs parents need to be particularly vigilant.  We have plenty of reasons to crave escape.

Beneath the addiction, beneath the grief/shame/anger/whatever you're having yourself, is peace and self-love.  It's totally worth digging for.