Autism & Restrictions

When the first covid lockdown was imposed, many special needs parents were match-fit for the coming months. Lots of us were used to life with limited freedom.  Many of us had already given up friends, careers, and sometimes even marriages to adjust to life in a different groove.  As I've often said, ultimately these losses were not a bad thing (even though they weren't welcome changes at the time).  I like the person I've grown into much better because of Autism.

So when covid first hit, life didn't change all that much for me.  I already had a PhD in Restricted Living and was working towards my doctorate in General Awesomeness. Lockdown was gonna be a breeze, and I was destined to graduate as Dr Awesome (with honours).

Of course, the universe had other plans.  It would have been fine if it decided to deliver a discreet slice of humility pie with a gentle reminder to cop the fuck on.  

But the universe didn't do that.  

The universe chose to deliver its life lesson by pouring my mental health into a Magimix and blending it with marshmallows and batshit.  Being a seasoned autism parent, with years of restricted-living experience, did not protect me from cracking open like a fragile (if fabulous) egg.

me losing my shit

I'm well on the road to recovery now, but it was a reminder that we are all vulnerable, no matter how strong we think we are.

I went on a forest walk with my family yesterday.  It was magic to relax, appreciate nature and enjoy each others company.  My daughter and I commented that a few years ago, the same walk with Finian would have been a stress filled nightmare.  Its kinda ironic that I noticed my life becoming less restricted during lockdown.  

Dealing with my mental health problems helped me to see restrictions differently (some are tangible limitations, some are nothing more than our own perceptions).  I would have expected the double whammy of restrictions and a nervous breakdown to be the unraveling of me.... and it was for a little while.  But ultimately they opened me to appreciate the quiet things in life that I often didn't notice.