Autism & 'Autistic Privilege"

I have a question.

How do we tell if our kid is being autistic, or just being a massive miscreant freshly ejected from the bowels of hell?

I have always been taught that there's no such thing as "bad" behaviour, and that beneath each behaviour is a need.  However, there is a world of difference between the rarefied air of a sober classroom, and the fluorescent jungle of aisle three in Lidl.

When Finian morphs into a purple incubus because I won't allow him an extra treat, I have to question the wisdom of psychologists.  I wonder how often do they actually take autistic kids shopping?

I still can't tell if Finian's behaviour is signposting a need for safe boundaries, sensory regulation or just a signal that he (very loudly) wants more crisps.

There must be a line between our kids acting out of autistic overload, or out of opportunistic delinquency.

While Finian was at youth club yesterday, my friend Tara and I tried to figure out where this line may be located.    

We didn't get too far with a definition, apart from concluding that sometimes our kids (much as we love them) make rabid honey badgers seem agreeable by comparison.  The 'line' seems to be more of a mercurial, moody suggestion than an actual point of reference.

In Tara's house, the term "autistic privilege"  is used by her neurotypical kids (along with much eye rolling) when their  brother gets off the hook for doing something "autistic".  It's my new favourite phrase.  

Tbf, life is generally not kind to those on the spectrum, so maybe when they get the opportunity to play the autism card, they should do so without consequence.....

..... not that Finian's conscience will ever be troubled by chancing his arm in the supermarket.

"I wanted Tayto, not boundaries"