Autism & Masking

We tend to think of autism as a childhood thing.  

This is kinda dumbass as, inevitably, cute kids sprout into hairy, stinky (albeit impossibly handsome) adults.  I should know, as I've got several of my very own.  

Autistic kids are not just for Christmas, it seems.  We get to keep them forever and ever.  

And ever.

The assumption that autism is a kid-thing is doubly dumbass, as more and more people are being diagnosed well into adulthood.

In Celebrity-Land Anthony Hopkins, Darryl Hannah, Dan Ackroyd, Matt Haig and Elon Musk have been diagnosed as adults.  Not because they recently caught autism off a dodgy toilet seat, but because they were born with it like everyone else.

Like other late-diagnosed people, they probably learned to mask the signs to help them survive in an alien world.

Masking is a great term.  It describes exactly what it does on the tin.  If you can visualise someone printing out a 3D copy of someone else's face and placing it over their own, then you understand it.  Masking is a really clever way to compensate for difficulties with reading social cues (like facial expressions and tone of voice).  It's used to help a person fit in socially, to feel safe, accepted and to avoid mistreatment. Masking is when a person watches and copies someone else's responses, because they know an appropriate response is required, but they are unable to produce one themselves. The result helps the undiagnosed person pass themselves off as neurotypical, although often there is an 'oddness' that others intuitively sense.  

It's hard to imagine how exhausting this must be.

Of course, autistics don't have the monopoly on masking.  Plenty of neurotypicals protect themselves with assumed personas, sometimes becoming so invested in their mask that they lose touch with their authentic identity (this is a large part of my work as a counsellor).  It's a lonely place to be.  Imagine the awfulness of not only being unknown by others, but also being unknown by yourself.

Understanding masking has been part of the perceived increase in autism.  There isn't more autism.  We've just got better at diagnosing it.

On a sidenote, masking seems to be used more by females, which may flip the 'autism is a boy thing' trope on it's head.

Mercifully, Finian's particular flavour of autism doesn't require masking.  The flying fucks he gives about being socially accepted are in negative numbers.  

I can't tell you how much I envy him.

So, masking isn't a good or a bad thing.  It's just a thing..... and a very useful one in the short term.  But long term, masking can lead to burnout, depression, anxiety and whatever you're having yourself.  Having the insight and courage (sometimes requiring help) to expose your true, vulnerable self is what gives life depth and meaning.  It's always worth questioning what lies beneath the façade.