Epiphanies aren't all they're cracked up to be.
Having a blinding moment of insight usually means that, up until this point, you've been kinda an asshole (and by 'you', I mean 'me'). It's never my favourite moment to realise this.
I was bopping around the house with Finian and he wanted to go for a drive, but something happened that prevented us from going. Instead of losing his shit, he amped up his inner Zen and shrugged it off. He met this with an inner calm that surprised me, and I was struck by his acceptance that our change of plan was beyond his control.
We waste an insane amount of time and energy trying to change the unchangeable. It occurred to me that we have no control over our outer reality. This seems obvious, but we often act as if we can bend our environment. But we can't change the weather, or make the driver in front of us speed up, or make our crush fall in love with us. We can't force other people to see us the way we want them to. We can't control random occurrences that scupper a road trip with our kids. These perceived obstacles enrage us and we become consumed with the need to overcome them. They devour our energy.
Imagine the creativity we could unlock if we channeled all that energy into developing our own inner strengths?
It all starts with our self-concept, and the lies we tell ourselves to maintain it.
Our self-concept is who we imagine we are. We construct it from what other people tell us we should be like, as well as who we imagine we want to be. We build it as a shield to protect our vulnerable Real Self from the judgement of ourselves and others. So basically, we become who other people want us to be, so that we will be safe and loved. Eventually, we may come to believe that our self-concept is real. Our Real Self may become silenced and we don't achieve the potential we're capable of, depending on the level of judgment we are exposed to. It's kinda a bum deal.
It's really only through having the courage and insight to dismantle our false ideas about ourselves that we can embrace our inner truth. The energy we waste trying to maintain our self-concept could be vastly better used to become the best version of ourselves.
We drive ourselves crazy trying to change an unchangeable world to support our self-concept. We scream at the slow driver. We blame the weather for being in a bad mood. We feel victimized by aging. Imagine accepting reality for what it is, free from the terrible anxiety of trying to twist it to fit a false agenda?
Acceptance doesn't mean passively enduring things that are bad for our soul. It's not the same as giving up. Finian knows this, and he kindly schooled me by being chill about change.
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