Autism & Choices

I made an unwise life choice last night, and I regret nothing.

I ate a particularly delicious bag of cheese and onion crisps just before going to bed.  I woke up wondering if overnight a family of incontinent weasels had used my mouth as a public convenience (and neglected to flush when they'd finished).  The crisps were totally worth a case of morning potty mouth, but I thought it only fair to gargle with industrial strength mouthwash before kissing my husband good morning. 

We make choices all the time.  Its part of prioritizing, surviving and building our identity.

For example.

I made a choice to commit to therapy.  It is shockingly painful and deeply exhausting.  Mostly, I'd rather eat a tractor tyre than process the stuff I need to.  But I consciously choose to do some hard work to level up as a human.

But it seems to me that much of our life choices are either unconscious, or are made on our behalf by other people. So often, we continue to make decisions using outdated templates, or we conform to other people's expectations.

It occurred to me that I could extend this notion to Finian and try a little harder to encourage him to make his own decisions.  It's kinda complicated with Autism, though.  If I gave him free rein, Finian would chose to play chicken with traffic, eat hair-clips (a new favourite) and be positively cavalier about nudity.  So some caveats have to be applied.

But helping him to make decisions is an important part of establishing his own identity.  How will he know what style of clothes he prefers if I pick his outfit for him?  How will he discover hidden talents if I 'protect' him from dangerous activities?  How will he learn what delights him if I micro manage his free time?

Making our own decisions and owning our mistakes are an important part of character building.  This applies to autistic people too.  Being 'kind' and making their decisions for them is ultimately counter-productive (btw I'm totally talking to myself here) and stunts growth.

Luckily my marriage survived last night's unwise decision.  To be fair, James would kiss me anyway because he loves me and a bit of breath-stink wouldn't stop him.  But choices, and their consequences, would be so much more enriching if made consciously and with ownership. 

the test of any marriage